I love destroying things. The physical destruction of objects can be funny and cathartic. Thankfully, Final Fantasy VII Rebirth lets me indulge my desires for destruction in a limited but fun way. While in Costa del Sol, you can hop on a “wheelie,” the game’s in-world equivalent of a Segway vehicle, and smash it into restaurant tables, seats, barrels, and other property. Fun! Better still, you can earn some neat items for riding around on a wheelie, and finding ways to weave some destruction into your travels can liven up the otherwise pretty boring process of gliding around on your own personal transporter device.

Let’s go over what you’ll earn and what you can smash up for the pure joy of being a bad person.

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Complete the wheelie event

There’s not a whole lot to completing the “wheelie event.” Hit 4000 meters of total distance traveled and you can grab your rewards from the fellow wearing a baseball cap at Costa del Sol’s help desk.

You can earn the following rewards:

• 200m: Smelling Salts
• 1000m: Hi-Potion
• 2000m: Headband
• 4000m: Pedometer Pin

The Headband will grant you immunity to sleep during combat, which is handy. But what about that Pedometer Pin? It grants you 1 Gil for every 100 steps. This is kinda handy early on. By the time you get to the end of the game, however, you’ll likely be pretty loaded anyway.

Still, it does add up over time and you can equip it to non-active party members and it’ll still work. Also, as Slight_Bodybuilder25 on Reddit discovered, Red XIII will earn as much as four times the amount of other characters.

How to be a horrible person on two wheels

How should you make the best of your time on the wheelies in your quest to hit 4000m? Restricting yourself to only using the wheelies to navigate Costa del Sol as you complete other mini-games and sidequests will do the trick, but you also have an opportunity to engage in some vandalism and property damage—and the cops won’t come to talk to you about it (can’t stop me now, Mayor Adams!).

So what kind of chaos can you cause? Sadly not enough, as much of Costa del Sol is pretty fixed in place and NPCs hardly react to you smashing tables and barrels with an electric scooter. Maybe everyone’s just too hopped up on Materia poppers to notice (yes, there’s someone in Costa del Sol claiming to sell these. They’re seemingly ice pops, but c’mon, you know huffing Mako has to do something).

You can smash up tables, barrels, stands with surf boards and, perhaps most fun, screw around with a giant inflatable chocobo found just to the left of Red XIII’s Run Wild mini-game. The physics are kind of wonky and I’ve yet to test if it floats in the ocean, but you can sort of get it stuck to your head, granting the appearance of a massive chocobo charging at these stupid tourists.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Indulge your penchant for causing damage and being a nuisance and that pedometer pin will be yours in no time.