Ever Had a Wet Dream? We Did a Deep Dive on Why They Happen

The phrase “wet dream” has, in recent years, come to signify something amazing.

Think of people saying things like, “this lineup is a coach’s wet dream” in a sports context or “this movie is a film nerd’s wet dream.” It’s meant to imply something so awesome it’s hard to even conceive of.

But for those experiencing them in real life, whether for the first time or over and over again, there’s no guarantee that a wet dream will be an especially pleasant experience.

The truth is, ejaculating in your sleep — a.k.a. a nocturnal emission — can be as confusing and frustrating as good old-fashioned wetting the bed.

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Your body is doing something without your knowledge or consent while you’re asleep, and it’s your waking self who has to deal with the consequences — including cleaning up the mess.

And yet, at the end of the day, it’s still an ejaculation — an experience inextricably linked with the greatest physical pleasure

So what exactly is a wet dream, anyway? Who do they happen to, and can you prevent them from occurring? To answer these questions and more, AskMen spoke to a handful of sex experts. Here’s what they had to say:

What Is a Wet Dream?

“Wet dreams (also known as nocturnal emissions) are instances in which a person involuntarily orgasms in their sleep,” says Dr. Justin Lehmiller, scientific advisor for Lovehoney. “These are called ‘wet’ dreams because the individual may awaken to find a wet spot on their bed or pajamas from ejaculate.”

If you have a penis, this ejaculate will be composed of semen, but Lehmiller notes that wet dreams “can potentially happen to anyone regardless of their gender, although men are more likely to report the experience than women.”

Despite their name, wet dreams aren’t always associated with erotic or sexual dream situations; they can “also happen due to some type of friction at night within bed,” says sex educator Debra Laino.

Though masturbating to orgasm in bed is normal and healthy, and can even function as a sleep aid, that’s not the same thing as nocturnal emission; Laino also clarifies that since they occur when the person is asleep, traditionally, wet dreams “occur without any manual stimulation.”

Are Wet Dreams a Bad Sign?

If you’ve never had one before, waking up to realize you had a wet dream might be an unpleasant experience, but there’s nothing to be concerned about.

“Wet dreams are not inherently bad or harmful,” says urologist Dr. Jagan Kansal, founder of Down There Urology. “They are a normal and natural occurrence that often happens during adolescence and continues into adulthood. It is a part of the sexual development process for many individuals. There is no need to feel ashamed or embarrassed about experiencing wet dreams, as they are a normal aspect of sexual health.”

Ultimately, the cleanup might be the worst part, says BIPOC sexologist Marla Renee Stewart, MA, sexpert for the sexual wellness brand/retailer Lovers.

“Wet dreams are not a bad thing unless you don’t like messes,” she says. “Most of the time, people enjoy being erotic in their dreams and having the feeling of safety can boost the eroticism factor, especially in a dream. Wet dreams are great for stress relief, to recognize someone’s own erotic subconscious desires, and/or activate an erotic goal they never knew existed in their conscious mind.”

Why Do Wet Dreams Happen?

“The exact reasons why wet dreams occur are not fully understood, but they are generally believed to be a result of hormonal changes and the body’s natural processes of sexual maturation,” says Kansal. “During puberty, the body undergoes significant hormonal fluctuations, and sexual thoughts and fantasies become more prevalent. These factors can contribute to the occurrence of wet dreams.”

In fact, wet dreams aren’t the only thing your penis might do while you’re sleeping.

“Our genitals are actually surprisingly active during our sleep!” says Lehmiller. “We undergo four to five phases of REM (rapid eye movement) sleep on a typical night, and during this time, both penises and clitorises experience erections that last about a half-hour each on average.”

“This is thought to be the result of various hormone and neurotransmitter fluctuations that happen during sleep,” he adds. “Specifically, testosterone and various brain chemicals involved in regulating sexual arousal rise during REM cycles, and it’s possible that these may trigger wet dreams on occasion as well.”

Again, as Dr. Kansal noted, there’s not enough information on wet dreams to know for sure yet. Lehmiller notes that other factors that might contribute to experiencing wet dreams include “having a particularly intense sex dream, surging hormones during puberty, sleeping positions that place more pressure on the genital area, and not having had a waking orgasm for a long time.”

How Common Are Wet Dreams?

“Wet dreams are pretty common,” says Stewart. “They happen a lot in puberty because of the surge of hormones and the many ways that someone can find arousal in their everyday life.”

In fact, some data suggests most people have had at least one in their lives — but not many more than that.

“A nationally representative survey of American adults found that a majority (53%) reported having had at least one orgasm while they were sleeping,” says Lehmiller. “However, most of them said this is something they’ve experienced very infrequently, reporting five or fewer of these orgasms in their lifetime.”

And, of course, there’s nothing to be concerned about if you’ve never had one.

“The frequency can vary greatly from person to person, with some experiencing them frequently, while others may never have one,” says Kansal. “It is important to note that the absence of wet dreams during puberty does not indicate any abnormality or cause for concern.”

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Regardless, it seems that the experience of wet dreams peaks around one’s early teens.

“We know from other research that reports of wet dreams are most common during puberty and become less common with age,” says Lehmiller, with Laino noting that many people experience their first one “around 14 years of age.”

“Older men can also have wet dreams as well,” she explains. “It is important to note that some men may not have a wet dream in puberty and may have them a bit later on.”

And when it comes to experiencing wet dreams as an adult, the frequency “can depend on various factors,” says Kansal, “including individual biology, sexual activity levels, and overall health.”

Either way, there’s no indication that there’s an “unhealthy” amount of wet dreams to have.

How to Prevent Wet Dreams From Happening

If you’ve experienced more than your fair share of wet dreams and you’re sick of them — or if you just want to ensure you don’t experience one to begin with — you might be wondering: is it possible to prevent them?

“Unfortunately, there is no way to stop a wet dream” from occurring in a guaranteed way, says Stewart.

However, there may be ways to reduce the likelihood of them occurring, which can be useful if, for instance, you’re not sleeping at home and want to be confident you won’t make a mess on someone else’s sheets, or if you simply don’t enjoy the experience of waking up from one.

For one, Laino notes that if you’ve been viewing a lot of sexual content that’s been stimulating your brain, but not achieving orgasm from it, that could be a factor, and cutting out that engagement with porn or erotica could lower the chances of a wet dream occurring.

On the flip side, you could also simply try to ensure that, if and when you do engage with sexual content, you then masturbate to climax.

“If you want to experience fewer wet dreams, one self-help strategy you can try is to masturbate to orgasm sometime during the day or before bed,” says Lehmiller. “If you can trigger your refractory period before sleep, that’s likely to reduce the odds of a wet dream occurring.”

Either way, Kansal notes, it’s useful to remember that wet dreams “are a normal part of sexual development and are not considered a problem or something to be overly concerned about.”

“If you have any specific concerns or questions,” he adds, “it is always best to consult with a healthcare professional who can provide personalized guidance and support.”

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