Ellen DeGeneres isn’t holding back in her latest stand-up act. Years after controversy swirled due to allegations of a toxic workplace at The Ellen DeGeneres Show, the talk show’s former host addressed the situation onstage.

“I got kicked out of show business. There’s no mean people in show business,” DeGeneres said, according to Rolling Stone. “The ‘be kind’ girl wasn’t kind. I became this one-dimensional character who gave stuff away and danced up steps.”

“Do you know how hard it is to dance up steps? Would a mean person dance up steps?” she questioned. “Had I ended my show by saying, ‘Go f**k yourself,’ people would’ve been pleasantly surprised.”

DeGeneres admitted that the situation was “such a toll on my ego and my self-esteem.”

“There’s such extremes in this business, people either love you and idolize you or they hate you, and those people somehow are louder,” she said.

The outlet additionally reported that, during her Wednesday set at the Largo in Los Angeles, DeGeneres said, “I used to say that I didn’t care what other people thought of me and I realized…I said that at the height of my popularity. It is such a waste of time to worry about what other people think.”

Even so, during a post-show Q&A, DeGeneres revealed that she was in a dark place amid her show’s drama and ending.

“It’s hard to dance when you’re crying,” she said of not taking her own advice during her “tough time,” which she classified as “a funk,” according to People.

“I’m making jokes about what happened to me, but it was devastating, really,” she said, per Rolling Stone. “I just hated the way the show ended. I love that show so much and I just hated that the last time people would see me is that way.”

Following the toxic workplace allegations in 2020, DeGeneres issued an on-air apology. Two years later, DeGeneres ended her show after 19 seasons.

“Ellen’s last show was emotional for her,” a source told ET at the time. “It feels like an end of an era, but she is ready for the next chapter of her life. It feels bittersweet.”

Then, a year after The Ellen DeGeneres Show came to an end, a source told ET about how the former host was keeping busy.

“Ellen is not retired. She did not renew her show, but she has never not worked,” the source said. “Although she has taken some time off from acting, she has a number of brands, an upcoming documentary as part of her Discovery deal, etcetera, that she is working on.”

Personally, the source said that DeGeneres and her wife, Portia de Rossi, were busy renovating a new house, taking trips, and doing volunteer work.

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