Last updated on September 21st, 2023 at 02:16 pm

Relational intelligence (RQ) Is More Than Emotional Intelligence

My History

I grew up in a household with anger issues, boundary issues, and many conflicts.  We weren’t a family of healthy relationships. I wasn’t, for example, allowed to express my opinion if it differed from my father’s. And I was timid and cared for other people’s feelings at my own expense. Consequently, I didn’t develop good relational skills and did not have good relational intelligence. That caused me to struggle in my earlier relationships. 

I had a lot of work to do. First, I had to find more self-worth and learn to stand up for myself. Second, I had to stop being overly concerned about others’ feelings and feel my own instead. Third, I had to make friends with anger instead of being afraid of my own and other people’s anger. And I had to learn to manage my wounds and triggers to calm my intense anxiety. That was just the start. There was a lot more for me to know. 

One of the focuses of my life has been developing my relational intelligence. What is Relational Intelligence (RQ) in romantic relationships? 

 Relational Intelligence (RQ) in romantic relationships 

Relational intelligence involves understanding your emotional wounds, triggers, trauma, vulnerable feelings, family and relational behavior patterns, and your partner’s. It includes understanding how these RQ dynamics interrelate and impact your sense of self and relationship.

Relational Intelligence (RQ) refers to our ability to understand, manage, navigate, and have healthy romantic relationships. It involves being able to communicate clearly, empathize with others, resolve conflicts, engage with one’s own and one’s partner’s vulnerabilities, and build positive open-hearted relationships.

Relational intelligence is a crucial aspect of emotional intelligence, which is the ability to identify, understand, and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the feelings of others. People with high relational intelligence are often good leaders. They are skilled at building strong personal and professional relationships, collaborating with others, and inspiring trust and loyalty.

Developing RQ 

Developing relational intelligence requires both looking within and expanding self-awareness as well as increasing our awareness of and empathy towards our partner and their triggers, wounds, deep needs, and fears. It includes active listening skills. It includes a willingness to communicate openly and honestly. RQ can be cultivated through therapy, reading content that focuses on understanding what makes relationships work, practice, curiosity about our partner and ourselves and what makes each of us tick, and seeking diverse experiences and perspectives.

In a nutshell, people with high relational intelligence:

Have knowledge of own and partner’s talents

Have an understanding of their own and their partner’s feelings around their relationships

Are consciousness of pursuer-withdrawer roles/attachment styles

Know their relationship strengths and weaknesses

Understand their relational cycle

Are tuned into their own and their partner’s feelings

Have the capacity to communicate with vulnerability 

Can help their partners feel emotionally safe

Understand their own and their partner’s emotional wounds and triggers

Understand appropriate boundaries

Do not attempt to merge or cut off 

Grow your relational intelligence, and your relationship will grow! 

RQ is learnable. Instead of giving up on your relationship, what if you were able to look at what you could gain more skill at? For example, do you understand what appropriate boundaries are? Do you take responsibility for your part in a disagreement, or is it always the other person’s fault? Are you able to apologize? Are you able to feel pain and remorse when you hurt someone else? 

The WeConcile app can help you learn to change your relationship with yourself and your partner. It gives you a learning path to greater relational intelligence and healthy relationships. When you improve your relational intelligence, you improve your relational happiness. It can help you learn to pick better partners. You can gain skills in the items in the list above and more. 

Our love is worth our time and consideration and we are worth our time and consideration. We aren’t static beings but growing and evolving. We can make the most of our lives and loves and have a great love life!

To learn more about options for growing your RQ, you might like this article.

Or watch one of my short videos on YouTube.

Here is an article on the WeConcile app.

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